All right, welcome back in.

In our last session, we talked a lot about anxiety and avoidance behaviors—even how we often avoid conversations. Just trying to bring something up to someone that we don’t like can create tremendous anxiety. Why? Because if you tell someone how you feel or what’s bothering you, and they disagree or argue, you quickly learn, “I’m not going to bring that up again.”

You think to yourself, “It’s just easier to keep it to myself.”
Now, I want you to really pay attention to that:
“It’s just easier to keep it to myself.”

Why do we come to that conclusion?
Because we often believe that if we can’t get someone to change, then what’s the point of bringing up the issue?

But here’s the challenge I present to people:
Why would you tell the truth?
Why have honest communication?

Most of us are conditioned to think that the purpose of communication is to get someone else to change, rather than to represent the lifestyle of our Father. But you are born of truth. You are called to live in truth. We are told to speak the truth in love.

That’s why you tell the truth—whether someone else changes or not.
Their response is their responsibility.

When we’ve spent our lives avoiding difficulty and pain—especially the pain of rejection—we start to believe that speaking up is pointless.
“Nothing’s going to change, so why say anything?”

But again, we speak truth not to force change in others—but because truth is our way of life. That’s who we are. And the more you allow truth to come to you, the less you’ll feel the need to avoid.

Ephesians 4:15 (which you’ll find in your worksheet) reminds us:

Let us live truly and deal in truth, speaking the truth in love, so that we may grow up into the fullness of Christ.

This is the key to spiritual growth: Living in truth.

Now, here’s another question:
Are you holding on to the same goal—getting others to change—but just trying different strategies?

For example:

• One day you try to be super nice.

• The next week, you unleash a list of grievances.

• Then you retreat into the silent treatment.

• After that, you try harder again… then swing back to apathy.

You see, the goal hasn’t changed—only the strategy. The real goal has remained: “If I just do it right, I can get them to stop hurting me.”

But what if you shifted to an entirely new goal?
What if your new goal was simply to live and mature in God—to grow and walk with Him, and let Him show you how to walk with others?

Because only when we walk with the Father, and receive His deep love and truth, can we stop making life all about controlling outcomes.

Now, hear me clearly:
I’m not saying, “It’s always your fault” or, “You’re the one who has to fix everything.”
That’s shame talking—and shame gives you way too much power.
That mindset says:

• “If I were better, they’d treat me better.”

• “If I change, everything else will improve.”

But that's not what God is saying.
You are not responsible for everyone else.

Let God show you what you are responsible for—and then trust Him to handle what belongs to others.

God is not asking you to be a perfectionist.
He’s not asking you to control everything.

Because here’s the truth:

Anywhere you remain in control, you will remain confined.

Let me say that again:

Anywhere you stay in control, you will stay confined.

Control keeps you trapped on a small, limited patch of life. It shrinks your freedom. It boxes you in.

So let me ask you:

• Are you ready to shift your goal?

• Are you hungry for the kind of life God has for you?

• Are you ready to stop chasing the next strategy to fix everything and finally surrender to His strategy?

Let’s close with Isaiah 41:10 (Amplified Classic). You’ll see it in your worksheet. I’ll paraphrase it here:

Do not fear. Do not be overwhelmed or dismayed. I will strengthen you. I will harden you to difficulties.

God says He will do this.

Think about all the ways we’ve tried to harden ourselves—through perfectionism, control, withdrawal—all in an effort to avoid pain or criticism.

For example, I used to think:

“If I do everything perfectly, no one can criticize me.”

That’s a form of self-protection. It’s my way of hardening myself—my attempt to shield against pain. But it doesn’t work. It just keeps me confined.

God, on the other hand, says He will strengthen and harden us—not in a callous or detached way—but in a way that makes us resilient and free.

You may want to read Isaiah 41:10 all the way through verse 15 or 16. Let it soak in.

As we move into our next session, we’ll talk about the unmet needs that have driven us to build these self-protective strongholds. Why have we gone to such lengths to guard ourselves? Because we’ve had deep needs—for love, security, belonging—that went unmet. Not because we didn’t perform well enough, but because we were going to the wrong source.

I’m excited to walk with you into that next layer.
For now, give this some thought.
Reflect. Meditate. Let the Word and the Spirit speak to you.

You are not alone.
And you are right where you need to be.